Sunday, September 22, 2013

After Further Review...

God has been really busy, working over time actually, in my heart. I was not really paying attention at first... if you knew me you would understand. I am a computer nut and spend a lot of time here and do  not notice when things happen around me. Or even when they happen to me!

It started when I was on my 'hobby blog'. I don't know what else to call it. Business blog doesn't work as I seldom earn any money from it. This is okay as I DO notice that God is taking very good care of me and I have no money worries! My hobby blog is to keep me from going crazy. I live alone and my Chihuahua, Peanut, won't talk to me no matter how much we work on it :-)

I was on a web site to snag some DaySpring banners and a banner for bloom caught my eye! That reminded me of (in) courage, so I followed the URL. OH MY GOSH!! I found both of them! I had followed the (in) courage site a few years ago and dearly loved it! (I had searched for  it but I was looking for .com I guess and it is .me) 

When I had a son leave the family, instead of turning to (in) courage for comfort and love I turned away from it and everything else. Basically I just sat and stared at a wall for 3 months before I started to function again. By that time I had made myself ill and it took well over a year to nurse myself back to health..... excuses... excuses...

Sorry I got off track there but I did want you to know some of the background. I am back with (in) courage newsletter and read it faithfully. I signed up for it the first day. The next day I got my newsletter and it lead me back. I found out they were forming groups of 30 to help us really connect with each other and encourage each other :-) Love It! I think.... pretty sure.... I found it the first day you could sign up!

I joined (in)life after 50! How awesome to find my own age group. I mean I adore young mothers with  new babies and toddlers but we don't have much in common. I can't even pretend to be wise because even though I have been there, done that it was a different world! At least I am wise enough to know that! :-)

So! Back with (in) courage. In a group with 'my' kind of ladies! They introduced me to a book Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young, and I bought it for my Kindle and my head is spinning. I wake up with something on my mind and it is mentioned in group or on (in) courage that day. I read a devotion out of Jesus Calling and the message is repeated again and again through the day. THIS ROCK!!

God is talking to me from so very many directions! 


There is always a but... I live in fear that after further review they will discover I am a fraud... I know it is silly and I know it is not true but I fight with it. Every time it pops into my mind I fight. But it persists. 

I know many people feel this way. I think that they are so wrong. Why can't I 'get it' that I am wrong. 

You see... I did not grow up in a church. I do not go to church now. I am unable to quote most of the bible as it seems like other people can. I have not memorized the books of the Bible.... I am a fraud!

My mom studied the Bible. For hours on end. She taught me about God and the word. Some times for hours on end. I learned about God and how to wiggle and squirm at the same time. I knew she did not mean to carry on. She was just wanting to share her joy with me. But try telling that to a 6 year old.... or 10.... or a teen. 

We did go to church for awhile... I am thinking around 6 or 7 months (that is about how long my dad could stay sober if he really really tried). I loved that church. It was a tiny Baptist church that was like family. When it needed a new roof the men put it on. When it needed cleaning, mom took her vacuum up the hill and cleaned it. (Your could see that little white building from our home). My  brothers were in the teen group and I was so proud of their acting abilities LOL! They sang my type of Christian music. In The Garden was my favorite...

And then life must have happened and we quit. We traveled in the Summer. Mom and Dad would separate and get back together like regular clock work... we moved.

I have always believed in God. Bible verses and gospel songs run through my head and my heart. Even at  the worst times of my life, and there was some more often that not... I never forgot God or stopped talking to him. 

I know I really am not a fraud. I know my group will keep me and not cast me out. But I sure feel better after confessing :-)

Love to you all
Patty & Peanut

PS: See what I mean?? I just went to proof this and this is the verse of the day!

Verse of The Day: “Accept one another,
then, just as Christ accepted you, in order
to bring praise to God.”


  1. In some way or other we are all not 'what others see'... but the beauty in honest and being real, it is ok, we are normal and we are all in a process. Sounds like yours has been going on for some time. Glad you found the group and I like your blog, keep writing. (Sharon O)

    1. Thank you for your kind comments Sharon! Now that I am all set up I am going to try to blog hop a bit each day :-) I love learning and I have learned from the group already!
      Love, Patty

  2. Patty - You are NOT a fraud! You are a person-in-process. Just like the rest of us in 'the group'. I loved coming here to visit your blog and to read your story. The journey began in different places for each of us - and the journey continues to wind through paths that may go different directions. But we can all encourage each other and grow together. I'll be back to read more. You have a great beginning. Keep writing. Keep up the good work!

    1. Thank you Adrienne! It is going to be nice to read and learn about you all. I am very excited about how our paths have crossed now :-)
      Love, Patty

  3. Good job, Patty. Wishing you much success with your new blogging adventure!

  4. Thank you Elizabeth! It felt so good to sit down and write today! And I actually have readers! :-) May God bless all of you for your visits!
    Love, Patty

  5. you are *real* and i so appreciate reading your heart and embracing you as a friend on the {in}courage (50+) site. bless you dearly.
    sherry (aka jAne at tickleberry farm)

    1. Thank you jAne :-) I am so excited about the group and the 'girls' and getting to know you all...Thank you for reading my blog!

  6. I'm learning to recognize the lies satan gets us to believe. You are a child of God. There is nothing more real than that.

    1. Linda that just hit me Saturday when I was talking to my son. They say you have "tapes" in your head that you listen to over and over, putting yourself down. It finally hit me. Those are not tapes! It is satan... I think realizing that... will make it easier to cut them off. (I thought they were my mom LOL! and I am supposed to listen to what she says) Thank you for the read and the kind comment! Love, Patty